Compendiums

Suffer

2011-11-29T07:02:00.000-08:00

Does it hurt you to see? That we're a different creature?
Does it hurt you to know? That we're different in our own ways, much more than you know?
Its different, we're in different worlds. The light on your side is bright, mine maybe not. But that doesn't mean you're more aware than I am.

How can you really make sure?

If only.

2011-08-29T08:32:00.000-07:00

If only they know how much it fucking hurts, to be reminded of things. If only we are able to have failsafe preparations, in case the unthinkable happens. Fuck everything else, i'm going to do things my own way.

Tomorrow is Eid, why the fuck am i feeling so shite.

Miss Amie

2011-07-10T05:51:00.000-07:00

I love you, stay with me.

Thoughtcast 4

2011-06-21T07:23:00.000-07:00

Somehow I wonder how the fuck did I get here. Its a neverending lesson, we all know this already. Thoughts overwhelms us, hours minutes seconds. Got myself a foothold on your castle, your castle will I conquer..

Appreciate. You've learned it, next time I want you to fucking live it.

Fixation

2011-05-29T09:19:00.000-07:00

I find no pleasure in waiting for storms to calm

I know I can't escape fate, nor can I pretend to forget things

Complete-opposite

2011-05-29T09:08:00.000-07:00

This is unnecessary.

Kalau cela jangan pandang cerminnya, kalau luka jgn guris parutnya.

Isi yang manis tinggalkan untuk yang terakhir, tapi jangan pula kasih kau perbahagi.

Percakapan semalam siapa yang tahu seriusnya, kita manusia bicara ikut hati- ikut saat ketika.

Tolong aku, ku mahu kau tolong aku.

Really, really unnecessary.

Coasters

2011-05-22T04:52:00.000-07:00

There's a place somewhere far away, lost in the consciousness and anticipations of every day's tale- a tale that needs to be remembered, to be passed down to the kins; A place where everything(we'd like to think) was right and bright, where everything(we'd lie) is beautiful and pretty. A place where you and I have both been, a place where we spent our feelings(on everything that we shouldn't have to), a place we doom to get back to..

Why should we worry about everything, why should we worry about our failings, why should we worry about things-that-could-have-happen-s, why? Why should we worry about things that are out of our power, out of our hands, and ultimately- was out of our imaginations?

We often find ourselves questioning our actions, but do we actually question ourselves this - who cares?

Close your eyes, take off all your dirty clothes and boots, smash all the mementos around, light up a match and burn the place down.

Thoughtcast 3

2011-04-27T05:29:00.000-07:00

"Sembunyilah balik dalam selimut kau tu, cari balik penghujung cerita yang kau inginkan selama ni"- Perasaan. Lemah. Biar lemah hati jgn lemah fikiran. Selama ini pernahkah kau terfikir yang hidup kau akan jadi seindah ini? Setinggi ini? Kau dengar la apa-apa jenis lagu pun, your brains are screaming one thing only - Souls aligned. Kau gembira. Kau dilamun cinta. Bersyukurlah kau jumpa si dia. No more sorrows. No more ''monochrome'' feelings. No more shits stirring up your already fucked up moods, not to forget your already fucked up judgements.

Benda-benda yang dulu kau fikir waktu malam saat kau tak mampu lelapkan mata, tak mungkin akan hilang rasanya. All those scary thoughts conjuring up on your dark gloomy walls, tak mungkin akan dapat kau lupa rupanya. Tiba saat macam ni, kau berfikir "Adakah ini akhirnya dinding2 ini?". Berfikirlah kau bukan macam tu, tapi berfikirlah kau yang hidup ni macam pasang surut di laut, highs and lows, kau kena jadi kukuh. Every once in a while your mood will be let down, akan seret kau tanpa kau mampu jenguk langit pun, buat kau tak mampu tgk betapa indahnya langit. But every once in a while jugak mood kau akan terbang tinggi, and tinggi macam mana kau mahu - itu terpulang pada imaginasi kau. Jgn tengok bawah sudah.

"For once, don't be so weak"

Speedsters Palace

2011-04-19T05:17:00.000-07:00

Machine, the basketball, Roland VP and the 'sister'. Teman setiap hari.

I love taking bad pictures in black and white. Old man's soul. Add coffee to it you might as well book a coffin for me.

Thoughtcast 2

2011-04-19T04:31:00.000-07:00

Mari. Lukis aku satu potret. Muka orang. Muka seseorang. Pegang pensel betul-betul. Strok garisan cantik-cantik. Pemadam jangan lupa. Seret sikit-sikit kalau ada cela. Kalau cantik simpan dalam frame. Kalau tak cantik jangan buang. Simpan. Mana tahu esok-esok kau dah pandai kau boleh ubah balik apa yang kau lukis hari ini.

How I wish life is that simple. Simpan all that 'tak jadi' punya barang, pile them up in your backroom, bring them back out when the time comes, re-work on it and put it up on display. Or macam tulis email, kalau rasa ayat tak best boleh save dalam draft. Or amik gambar, tak cantik boleh delete. Tak cantik boleh pop up photoshop take out the blemishes and shit. Add up things, beautiful, better things.

Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world. Itu kata si botak tua Einstein. Imagination is what sets our mind free, tapi imagination jugak boleh buat kita gila, pusing kepala, sakit jiwa. Kalau happy mmg la imagination benda positif, but bila tiba masa the karma wheel decides to screw us up and sticks a middle finger up in our face, imagination can do nothing but break us down. Bkn perempuan je yg ada PMS, karmawheel pun ada. Jangan kau suka-suka di sana.

Insecurity, oh how i hate that word. Even more the thing itself. Bukan saja nak rasa macam tu. But it all stems from what has happened in the past. Confidence is the opposite, yes, tapi bukan setiap masa kita boleh fikir waras and bawak keluar confidence tu kan? Sampai masa mmg akan kena "otak kata lain hati kata lain". Jaga-jaga.

Bukan mengeluh, bukan luah derita. Bukan juga nak buat cerita. Hanya nak papar apa yang pernah aku rasa (kau mungkin juga pernah rasa sama)

Toast or gtfo

2011-04-16T03:13:00.000-07:00

Jonny Craig. Cun sial lu punya suara. Thumbs up dari gua.

Suratan

2011-04-15T08:20:00.000-07:00

" Kalau teh kurang manis kau mau tambah apa? Garam? Gula? Cuka?

Eh kau ni, sekolah tinggi soalan bodoh yang kau tanya. Mesti la aku letak susu cap junjung. Letak garam atau cuka nak buat apa? Bunuh diri? Gula? Nak kena kencing manis?

Kau ni lagi bodoh. Susu cap junjung tu bukan lagi manis dari gula ke? "

Bodoh. Bosan aku borak dengan kau John. Aku cakap lain kau jawab lain. Aku tanya matematik kau jawab geografi, sumpah aku tak faham. Aku tak tau dah cemana nak buat kau normal. Kau gila John. Aku bagi kau pembaris pun kau cakap tu tali. Aku suruh kau explain kenapa gajah tak boleh terbang macam burung, kau jawab kereta hybrid mana sama dengan kereta biasa. Tah apa jadah. Nak cakap kau lalok, kau bukan org macam tu John. Nak cakap kau tekanan jiwa, kau nak tekan jiwa dengan siapa? Nak cakap kau gila.... hmm ok la. Kau gila. Kau pun mengaku kan?

Sincerely,
Dygku Zombiana

P/s: Tolong pulangkan balik getah rambut aku. Kau lelaki John, kau tak perlu benda tu.

Gloomocaust

2011-04-02T23:09:00.000-07:00

*image by Esao Andrews*

Imagination sets our mind free. Courage and willpower is what that can set ourselves free. Don't let your imagination blow your logics out of proportion though, you'll be needing extra bottles for that. As for bottles, we'll talk about it some other time...

*I swear i feel like i'm just straying in the middle sometimes, it's just my grey shades that you're looking at on the other side...*

John, pt I

2011-03-22T06:20:00.000-07:00

(lucid living from carrie and danielle's site)

I actually wanted to just live in that bubble. Far from any reality, pain or joy that it may cause. I actually didn't mean any harm nor offer you a leverage for the pain (of whatever illusions that I saw), I just wanted to be sure that everyone is happy - I just wanted you to be happy.

I don't want to be looking at the rear-view mirror, having the need to stop the car and check out for my passengers. I don't think i need passengers though, just my luggages. I hate to admit that I don't actually want to drive this car we're riding on, not because I don't want to be with you but just because I don't want us to crash. I don't want you to die.

I hate accidents, we all hate accidents. For anything that may or may not happen, we all have come to know that the consequences - which ever way it happens, left or right - will never be the same.

But whatever happens now, happens. Directly or indirectly, i am affected. Having said this, I'll do whatever it takes to steer this car to the place wherever the wheels takes us.

"John, are we going to drive at this pace all day long? It'll take us months to reach Cali...."

I don't care, I just want you to be safe.

.. Whoever you are, wherever you haul from, drive safe. Lol

Care-ble car.

2011-03-17T06:42:00.000-07:00

How can one explain unexplainable feeling? When it's well high and above words?

It's like a giant bowl mixture of beauty, pain, pleasure, sadness, grief, happiness, depression, cloudy, sunny, etc.

Mashed into pieces of nothing but illusions.

Deluge of thoughts fills the brain up to its rims, swirls and twirls around like tiny beads of sand on a desert dune, each of it relates to a different emotion, different memories, different future hope.

But how can one hope when it seems like hope is all gone?

The wheel has been knocked over it's rail, one can't do nothing but watch.

*What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I'd double tap, just to make sure*

TL;DontR

2011-03-05T09:45:00.000-08:00

Have been longing to find a cure for the feelings found in those chords, have been longing to set those creatures free to see them fly beautifully across those pretty shades of lights, have been keeping myself half-dead steering the wheel of this ship trying to get back to land. They've lived their dreams, you've lived yours, now can I live mine? Carry me away love, carry me away.

It has been quite a month here, work is as usual. Can't believe the amount of tasks handled over, without actually creating a sincere one. Promised myself to let it flow, create what I actually originally thought of and believe in the energy sourced into it. Keeping it real is hard.

On the other side, it's funny how much things have changed - I have been missing out on a lot of things I used to love/do/listen/think of back then. Growing up, that's how it goes.

Have a good night, see ya.

Wreckage

2011-02-24T07:17:00.000-08:00

Time flies by, like a train.
So did you, no words was exchanged.

I was feeling a little bit sappy today, spent the whole day listening to Bruno's Grenade and I thought I just can't get past today not until I put this up here.

Tuned back to few of Jay Chou's songs, did I.

Lots of things popping up in my mind at the moment.

Lots of "What If's" tortures my emotions, like they say a wound may be healed but the scar is there.

Quote in the picture is from the song "Dandelion's Promise", copy-pasted.

Out.

Thoughtcast

2011-02-16T07:15:00.000-08:00

" We are taught to think of our success in terms of numbers

If touching one person's life is a good thing,

then touching one thousands people lives must be a great thing,

It's easy to see where we learned to think this way

Our whole society revolves around mass production

The more units we can move

The more customers we can serve

The more boats we can get

The more money and the more stuff we have, the better, right?

Maybe it's not possible to touch one thousand peoples thinking,

or as powerfully as one person

Maybe it's not really so revolutionary after all,

to have one person out of a group of twenty, tell everybody else what's right

Wouldn't it be better if we tried a decentralized approach

where everyone works closely with those around them,

instead of a few people waiting in anonymous mass?

Do you have to save the world all by yourself,

why don't you trust someone else to do it with you? "

- The Ocean and The Sun, 2008

Adoi~

Look at these lyrics. Anthony Green that crazy motherfucker.

His imagination is like acid on acid!

Anthony Green is great, but hey don't get it twisted, the entire band (Circa) is legendary.

FF #circasurvive #thesoundofanimalsfighting #anthonygreen

*Seronok telinga memandang sedap lagi mata dijuling. Ahhhhh!

Disambiguation

2011-01-31T07:58:00.000-08:00

Us, human, world, the circle of life.

We live in a world full of mysteries.

Can't see the past, can't see the future.

We dwell on our past mistakes, and hope that we're not going to make so much wrong in the future again.

What an absurd thing to say really, if you get the full picture.

You can't think of it that way. You can't be perfect, no one can. 

Humans, imperfect if we're to judge on our deeds. But, we can be perfect by finding balance in life. Finding the harmony of life.

You ought to know that we're living in our own equilibrium.

"Nothing new to say, nothing to report 'cause the future happened yesterday" - Circa Survive

Magic of you

2011-01-30T09:02:00.000-08:00

Enthrall me with your blue sky nights,
your swooshing feeling of love - rush.

Looking back .. there's 1001 things that I'd like to undo.

Euphoria is a very dangerous feeling, my dear.

2011-01-28T08:08:00.000-08:00

Feeling so annoyed I want to fucking slap the fuck outta her face, that little bitch.

inb4 rage

Strike 4

2011-01-28T07:41:00.001-08:00

How i wish i didn't trashed it all. Perhaps i would have been a bit more sharp in my expressions now.

How i wish i didn't get myself into the situation it was. Perhaps i would have been a little bit happy now.

How i wish i didn't over-complicate things back then. Perhaps i would have been living a bit simpler life now.

We are taught to live life to the fullest. We are taught to live by the rules and taught to be the best in everything we do. We are taught to subconsciously execute the best solution whenever we face problems.

We as humans are full of mistakes, but little that we know that we're the most subtle things ever created. One little step today could prove a big one, in the future.